10 January 2020

As of today my armoured car days are most likely over. I have enjoyed the experience of "running cash" between Queenstown, Wanaka, Cromwell and Alexandra. If I do go back it won't be until 3 February.

I've been up at 0500 for three weeks. Coffee in the car park in Queenstown at 0645 and in the vault just after 0700. Pack the vans with money and everything we need for our travels. Then put on the kevlar stab-proof vest, two way satellite radio, body cam, police scanner and light sabre before hitting the road at 0800 in the GPS-tracked armoured van. Arrival times back varied but usually by 1430 I was "assessing" the day's takings. Sometimes I stayed until 2030 before driving home. I am the Count of the Counting House.

I have discovered two new units of money that were quite unexpected:

1. The Kilogram: We had to pack cash to put on the plane at the Queenstown airport. It costs $5 per kg for freight in the hold to Wellington - we put 68kgs of cash in the rear hold of the plane. In units that we are more used to there was just over $3M of notes in 10 sacks. It meant getting another security clearance and driving out onto the tarmac, then carrying the cash to the plane. Then we have to stay until the plane actually leaves and ring up to report that the plane is on the way, along with the number of sacks and the plane registration number so they could meet it at the destination. My "accomplice" wasn't 100% familiar with the NATO alphabet and was amused to know the plane was really Oscar X-ray Foxtrot.
2. The Crate: I thought beer came in crates. Or that was the case years ago. On Thursday a truck pulled up at base (yes we were expecting him but nothing on the outside of the building indicates what happens inside and nothing on the crates gives any clue as to what they contain) and could we please give him a hand to move the crates. They were big crates - each about a cubic metre. They were heavy and it took two of us and a person-powered forklift to move them from the truck into the secure loading bay. There were 5 crates and each was filled with bags of coins. Gold coins are in $1000 bags, silver coins in $200 bags. The 10 cent pieces are in boxes the size of a brick with $250 worth in each box. The job effectively comes with it's own gym membership as this all had to be moved into the vault.

I have learned to open spin-dial safes (I'm quite good at it and again my accomplice has had to get me to do it), fill ATM cassettes with cash then seal them, use the coin counting machine (yes I have remembered to put collection bags in place otherwise coins go e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e and it takes f.o.r.e.v.e.r to find them again when you pour a bucket of coins into the hopper.)

I have counted silly amounts of money in one session from one source - I had to check-balance $410,000 in one go making "bricks" of 500 $50 notes worth $25,000 each. Another time I discovered the bank sent us $10,000 less than what they said and they had to go back through their security camera footage to work out their mistake - fortunately they found it in their safe.

I also balanced the ATM deposit money - and one day the Wanaka ATM and the cash did not balance - there were two $5 notes missing. I found them exactly where they should be - in a separate sealed bag that someone called Ben Harper had put in the safe when he went to clear a jam in the ATM deposit module. I showed everyone that Ben Harper had been to the ATM and they were impressed that someone with the same name as the guy singing on the radio was doing this in Wanaka and they were even more impressed when I told them I was his Dad.

And money stinks. It leaves a film on your hands. It really is a good idea to give yourself a good wash after handling it.